fly mama

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

The same old song.......

I have been playing this song over and over again in my head. What to do....I am at a loss......what comes next? I ask myself this several times a week. I should elaborate.....what comes next after both kiddos are in school full days.......what will I do? I know there is some time before this huge decision needs to be made, but seeing as I am one of the most indecisive people on the face of the earth, I think I need to start thinking now.....hmmm, 4 years in advance! The photography thing isn’t going to happen.....it’s fun to shoot and show my work, but for the most part-it doesn’t sell....so that pretty much isn’t an option. I’m not trained in much else. Although I love Dairy Queen, I don’t think I really want to work there! There aren’t many places in our small town.......I could go 13 miles to the next town.....but then what? We have a Chili’s (I’ve never been a waitress before and no restaurant wants to be the first place you serve at)), Home Depot (.......and although I think I’d look downright cute in the orange apron, I don’t think that’s their criteria for hiring someone). I rack my brain (which at this point has shrunk from that of an average size human to that of a bird) on what I could do. For monetary reasons, as well as sanity purposes I need to do something. I know what I don’t want to do......I don’t want to take care of anyone’s children. I could become a substitute teacher, but that doesn’t pay much (poor poor teachers, I feel for them) and that kind of falls into the category of taking care of others kiddos. Fast food places aren’t going to happen.....I can’t see myself saying, "Would you like fries with that?" A hundred times a day without being bitchy-I’d want to send the customers to time out for eating so much fast food. There is so little out here that I could do. What I would love to do is become a contributing writer for a magazine........or have advertising agencies fight over my photography.......a girl can dream, can’t she? I think many of us think about this.....I don’t want to be kicking 40 in the butt and not knowing what I should do next. I want to do something creative.......I think I could do the most and it would be the most rewarding. I have all of this silver-smithing stuff. Not too long ago I decided I wanted to make jewelry-I could incorporate my photography into the work-I am still excited over this prospect, however-all of the tools sit in a drawer waiting for me to chisel some time out of my crazy life to sit down and tinker. If I start now.......in 4yrs I might actually be pretty damn good! But that, like so many things in my life-seems over the hills and through the woods.....far, far away. I think that working somewhere that I’d actually have to go on an interview would render me incapable-at this point I am socially challenged-I get excited about talking to grown ups......yet can’t really speak properly....I am too paranoid that I am going to talk in kiddie terms and instead just stand there (pretty much speechless) which makes me look mindless. I then resort to "after the fact analogue" where you sit and go over the conversation in your head and say the things you wanted to say or meant to say. I would love to go back to school and get educated on some things, however that again requires time-which we all know I lack. So, here I sit.....pondering like Winnie the Pooh (of course all Pooh ponders about is honey, which I hate)-no offense Pooh....momma has bigger fish to fry. And that folks is just what I am talking about regarding my talking in kiddie terms....I can’t see sitting down for an interview (let’s say at Home Depot, land of the cute aprons-in the gardening area) and them telling me about the trees they sell.....I would go into song..."Under a shady tree....you and me.....under a shady tree...you and me" (those of you that don’t know what Jack’s Big Music Show is-are missing out!) Anything can set me off singing kiddie tunes! If I worked at a restaurant and someone was ordering mash potatoes I would bust out with the Wiggles..."Mash Potato Mash Potato.....Cold Spaghetti Cold Spaghetti"
I can’t control it. I sing the start up songs to the shows.....I sing the songs they sing during the show....I sing the songs they play during commercials. I often place my words into the songs (not always child friendly). Of course.......who’s to say that I won’t be committed before my 4 year deadline........hmmm, sitting in a padded room-numb, meals prepared for me, they’d probably medicate me so that I could finally sleep......and I could sit-"Under a shady tree"-eating-"Mash Potatoes Mash Potatoes" and no one would think twice about it!

2 Comments:

At 11:54 AM, Blogger LD said...

OK, I'm getting a little too freaked out here. Are you reading my mind? I really enjoy your writing. I say send some samples in to your local paper and start a blog in the newspaper. You are so funny. I have two years to go before my big leap. I keep pushing off trying to figure out what it is I want to do. Sucks, doesn't it!

 
At 12:16 PM, Anonymous syd said...

hey, maybe you could work at one of those cool antique stores? or maybe only family of the owners work there, or something...
i think the jewelry thing is also cool. if you sit down for, say, thirty minutes or so a day, i bet all those little blocks of time would add up, and you'd get really good!

love, sydney!

 

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